“God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear…” Psalm 46:1-2
“Over the years I have become kind of numb. The people who know and care about me know the truth. The people I care about know I am innocent. I also know what a lot of other people unfortunately think. And to think about it too much can be painful.
In many ways I have been protected from a lot of it though. In juvenile hall we were not allowed to read the newspaper, so I never saw the worst of what the paper said about me or the case. In the county jail I was always able to tell the truth any time it came up and the guys were always shocked. The worst of what I heard came from the District Attorney himself, but I learned very early on that he was not seeking truth and justice.
The hardest thing I heard was in Calipatria at my initial committee review. My “counselor” stood in front of the other committee members and read from some report. It was like I just had to sit there and take punch after punch in the stomach. I have not been back to an annual committee review since.
I know the truth. I know I am innocent. I know I do not belong here. I don’t really care what strangers think. But I also don’t want to be subjected to their verbal cruelty even if they’re just ‘doing their job’. Sometimes I feel weak for how I deal with this. Everyone always says how strong I am for doing so well in here. But in many ways I hide from the reality of what I am in prison for because I know I am innocent and I don’t belong here. When I am asked I always defend myself, I always tell the truth and state my innocence. But if I am not asked, or even in that committee review, I don’t say anything.
I used to try and just get by, make it through another day. But now I feel like I am living again. You have brought light back into my life. And you make me question whether being silent about my innocence is the right thing.”
excerpt from Sean’s letter 1/17/2015