Written by Emelia

The joys of social media aren’t useful to those who aren’t feeling very joyful. My status update: ‘still waiting for the judges’ ruling and suffering silently‘… nobody wants to read that. It seems everyone else is sharing pictures of their adorable babies, fun summer adventures, and weddings. And rightly so, life is meant to the enjoyed to the fullest. It’s just painful to see what I’m missing out on right now, to constantly come face to face with all that is out of my reach.

Almost every single person on my ‘friend’ list is married or has a significant other, many of them have children, grandchildren, or are expecting children in the near future. This is what I really want to say to them:

While you hold your husband close at night; or maybe not so close because you are arguing or whatever, mine is held captive in a tiny cement box. When you wake up in the morning, even if it’s at 2 am to your fussy infant, be grateful that you have a family;  I’ve been waiting 3 years for mine to come home. The man I love is waking up sore from sleeping on a thin mat, eating prison food, and still praying and waiting for his rightful freedom to be restored. We would love to plan some summer adventures together; going camping, swimming in the lake, going fishing. But the most we can hope for at the present moment is that he will be coming home soon. The anguish we both feel about being kept apart rips me open.  Seeing other people’s happiness only deepens my sorrow. I cannot be happy for anyone else right now. Not when I am hurting so much. Not when they have stolen 12 years of Sean’s life for nothing. I don’t feel like I am even living right now, just waiting frozen in this shit puddle. I feel like each day that goes by without him here I die a little more inside.