(written this past month but not posted)
This spacious white text field has become the only place I can really trust to explain my current life. Some people try to act like they care, but as soon as I begin to speak I can clearly see the light of interest fade from their eyes, they distance their body away from mine slowly so I wont notice. They try to change the subject. Let’s talk about something else, anything else but me.
No one really wants to listen, because most people cannot even begin to comprehend or have empathy for our situation. Especially people who have had a pretty average upbringing and adult life. I guess to them our journey sounds too melodramatic, too ‘drama’, too much like a bad movie. And they’re right.
It feels like a bad movie sometimes. I’d like to try another life, perhaps something with a little more comedy and adventure. But this is what I’ve been given. I didn’t decide one day to fall in love with a boy I grew up with who has been wrongfully convicted of murder and has spent the past 12 years in prison. In fact I desperately tried to deny my feelings for him for nearly a year after they began. I did everything to try to persuade myself not to get involved with this now grown up boy with a genuine smile and sweet gentle touch because he was also wearing a prison uniform and had number affixed to his name. That was enough to delay my response but eventually I could no longer deny what was obviously undeniable, this was meant to be. And finally I had to admit to myself that this was what I wanted, this was clearly what God was showing us, and this was what made me happiest. That made him pretty happy too. 🙂
I never wished to have such a different path in life. I never envisioned being so far off from the ordinary. I never expected it to be easy, but I had no idea what I was in for. It’s difficult to formulate the words to fully describe the past few years with Sean. It would be impossible for a stranger looking in to actually see. And I feel also like there’s not much of a point in trying to get anyone else to understand. No one has ever really shown us much interest. But that’s OK because we have each other and that’s enough for me.