written 10/14/2015 by Sean
Last night just before I went to bed I had an unsettling experience I didn’t like. The power went out due to the thunderstorms , just for a few minutes but it created really uneasy feelings in me. I think it opened my eyes to feelings that I normally block out in some way, feelings that I don’t readily acknowledge because to do so would be too hard.After it happened I quickly wrote down my thoughts and feelings in the moment…
“So isolated. Alone at night in an unforgiving torturous world. Lost in thought, trapped in the numbing draw of the television. Unnecessarily consumed. Time continuously slipping away, when will it end? Sudden blackness. No sound. What happened? Why? Uneasiness spreads, feels unsafe. The TV is out, black. There is no power. All is dark. No sound. Stillness. Truly alone. So far away. Trapped. A flash outside, as if an explosion. An explosion with no sound. How far away? What’s going on? It doesn’t feel right. What if it’s something bad? Scary? I’m held captive with no control. Another distant flash. Lightening? There’s no rain. No thunder. A bomb? Another flash. Power comes back on. Feels worse. What just happened? I don’t know for sure. I can see my confines. The concrete and fencing. No way out. Seeing the other building. Knowing others are held as well. Why is it this way? I don’t know. Rationally I know it;s just lightening but I feel scared. I don’t like how this feels. The quiet stillness was unsettling, felt unnatural. My television is back on, the ending of Nashville draws me back in. Pulling me back, holding me captive. Unease still hangs on, something bad could be happening. I would have no way to know. With no control what could I even do? The bad feelings don’t leave”
I didn’t enjoy this at all last night. It was upsetting in the moment. As time went on the thunder and lightening picked up. I could hear the roaring rumble of thunder as the storm came closer, the lightning became brighter. More intense. Eventually the rain came too.
