We both knew this time was coming. We had prepared ourselves mentally for the tough stuff we knew we would be facing. Alone together. First came the time in between October visit and Christmas visit, along with it the holiday that used to be both of our favorites: Christmas. I was looking forward to my visit with Sean but then came a massive rain storm on the afternoon I drove down to see him; it delayed traffic and added a full 90 minutes to my drive time; I passed by accidents all along the way. I prayed. I worried that I wouldn’t even make it as rain pounded down on my windshield obscuring my vision. But I did. I made it.
We had our visits for Christmas, said our goodbyes at Corcoran, hopeful that it would be our last moments ever spent at that facility. It was a weird feeling driving away for possibly the last time. I felt excited but nervous for the next several weeks of waiting.
New Years Eve day I broke my finger while tossing a football around with my friend Katie. It’s a odd/sad story because we happened to find a rain-soggy football somebody had left in the grass in front of her apartment building and we, being spontaneous, decided to pick it up and play catch. After only a few moments our fun resulted in a chip fracture to my knuckle, which if you’ve never had experience with one before hurts like hell. I knew that January was going to be difficult and painful, just not in this way. Today is actually the first time I have been able to type anything longer than a Face Book update. I haven’t even been able to write Sean although I have made (terrible) attempts to write with my left hand. I am still in a splint and I hope that they will let me wear it into court. I am simply grateful at the recent news that I do not require surgery on it.
On January 10th, the day Sean was scheduled to be transported from Corcoran to Sacramento, we had the biggest rainstorm so far this winter. I worried all day as the news showed flooding and highway closures. There was even a tornado Natomas that destroyed homes. It POURED all day here in Sacramento, the violent wind whipped up. I imagined Sean on the prison bus coming back into the area for the first time in many years; I wonder what he saw, I wonder if he remembered any of it. Was he bewildered by this storm? I worried about his journey but breathed a sigh of relief when I finally confirmed his arrival with the records department at New Folsom.
Now he is at ‘New Folsom’ aka California State Prison Sacramento, I know that much. He has been unable to call so far because he is in ASU but I have scheduled visits with him this weekend. It’s going to be non-contact and only about 45 minutes but to be able to just see him and talk to him will be good. It feels like he is so close yet so far.
Here is what his letter says about New Folsom: ” I never thought I would miss Corcoran. They don’t have a “good yard” where I can go to so I have to be in ASU. Being in ASU where they keep the bad people is not meant for me. I am not made for prison. It just sucks. At Corcoran knew I could call you. Hearing your voice brings me such comfort. I have been able to survive because I’ve never had to spend a lot of time in bad places. I don’t like my cell, I don’t feel comfortable here. But I am safe. I am so grateful that I am not on a yard that is bad.”
This thing we have been waiting for for literally years is only 5 days away now. My heart is in my throat.