Barfing is never a funny experience while it is happening to you. It can be painful, awful, or even embarrassing. No one enjoys being sick. It is only after the incident is through that we can step back, learn from our experiences and, if we are lucky, laugh a little.
*The following is not intended for the squeamish, reader discretion advised!*
In the past 6 years I have done a lot driving to and from the prison to visit my husband. Generally, I experience some level of nausea on my morning drive, either from drinking my hot tea or perhaps getting car sick. But, whatever the reason, I have never ever puked on my drive… until this time. So it was not something I was anticipating when I became incredibly nauseous at around 4:30 am on my way to the prison. It came on suddenly with a strength that forced out every other thought in my mind. Of all the things that happen to a body, nausea is the thing I handle the least well. Every smell I encountered as I drove made it 10 times worse. I did not pull off the freeway for a few reasons. One being it was pitch black and I could not identify where there was a safe place to pull off in the unfamiliar area. It’s difficult to read signs and find a suitable exit when you’re covered in sweat and trying not to pass out. Also, I have never puked in my car except for one occasion many years ago when I was driving myself home from work with the flu. If I were to pull my car over every single instance I got nauseous, I would be sitting on the side of the road for hours and never get anywhere in a timely fashion. So that is what led to me puking my guts out while I was driving on the freeway before I was even fully awake. Nothing in my human power could have prevented it from happening but once it started it did not stop until I felt like a deflated balloon. Luckily once I realized it was about to happen I had for the forethought to cover myself with my Minions throw blanket in an attempt to catch the vomit, but a lot of good it did me. My clothes and under clothes ended up completely soaked. As I was spewing like a broken faucet thinking “please don’t crash” I managed to bail off the freeway. Miraculously I landed my car on the side of the exit lane with my hazard lights on and just sat there panting, grateful for it to be over. There I was in the middle of nowhere literally covered in my own vomit, shaky and sweaty, in the dark alone. I think the driver of the semi I pulled in front of must have seen the state I was in because not long after, the truck was gone. What a way to start my day and begin our family visit!
I’ll spare you readers the horrific details of my heroic recovery from this sad story and skip to the part where I sat in the Walmart parking lot in my newly acquired $4 t-shirt googling: “I threw up on myself while driving” and what I found was pure gold. The blog post and comments had me laugh/crying so hard I was on the verge of a vomit-relapse. The description of “Even if you are in a MacDonald’s parking lot and it is very tempting to go use the facilities, realize that you are now an abomination and have no right to go among non-disgusting people who are trying to eat.” and your clothes should probably be thrown away or burned immediately. Feel free to check it out for yourself because who doesn’t love a good barf story?
**disclaimer: I am definitely not pregnant and this incident was not morning sickness.**
Here are my suggestions for dealing with vomit on the go:
-Keep a box of trash bags, a small throw blanket and bottled water in the trunk of your vehicle for emergencies, you’ll thank yourself later
-When going on a long drive, take along spare clothing even if you do not think you will need it, especially if you are prone to nausea!
-Plastic bags don’t work well to contain vomit when opertated single handedly, instead take along a large plastic cup (red solo or even Big Gulp) and keep it accessable. This is easier to hold in one hand and once it contains barf you can securely set it in the cup holder until you can find a place to pull off and dump it. I know it may sound gross but take it from me it definitely beats the alternative!
-Peppermint helps with nausea. Mint chewing gum, mint tea or essential oils are great for those long drives. My husband also suggested a pressure point wrist band I would like to try that targets nausea.
-My regular travel bag contains: painkillers, Pepto Bismol, DayQuil, a tooth brush, toothpaste, floss, bandaids, antibiotic ointment, chapstick, deodorant, essential oil roll-ons, and hand wipes. It’s great to have these items on hand so you wont have to make any emergency pit stops when it’s inconvenient.