Feb 26-28 2020
I got out of Family Visit and started my drive home at about 10 am and made it home by 3:30 pm. This photo is from the rest stop along the way, the trees are blooming. Looks like spring time.
One last parting kiss before I walk out the gate. The guards swing it shut with a clang and lock it. He is on the inside and I am on the outside. I whisper “I love you”. As I am walking away, I glance back. He is signing ‘I Love You’ and I can see it in his eyes. Pain. I am pushing the heavy utility cart across the bumpy gravel, trying not to smash into the stumbling toddler in front of my cart. He is helping his grandma push their cart, but he can barely walk. The guards walk with us, I look back again and he is signing to me, I taught him. More tears well up in my eyes. I don’t want to go. I need more time with him. I don’t want to have to leave him there. It’s the worst feeling imaginable.
. . . .
Now I’m writing weeks later and CDCR has shut down all visits across California, including Family Visits. There have been no confirmed cases at my husband’s facility. This COVID-19 situation has affected everyone. Its absolutely frightening how in an instant they can take away the one thing we are both living for. There has been so much negativity, hate, anger, fighting, and insults hurled around online lately. People are divided instead of standing united. Its heartbreaking that during this time some people choose to be unkind and mask their fear with anger. If you are reading this please remember we are all humans and we all deserve kindness and respect. No one is immune to emotion.
I don’t know how long it will be before we get to see each other again, I’ve seen some documents saying Family Visits wont be running until June. It’s crazy to think that is even possible. I can’t think clearly. My mind is going a million places at once. This whole situation is serious and frightening, but for inmates and people with loved ones who are incarcerated, it’s hell.